And so it begins

Slowly pushing myself down

Into the darkness of a self dug hole

Allowing all of the bad

The negative

The shitty things to give me the strength to dig

I’m no stranger to the pain

My childhood trauma and everything after can attest

The stories I could tell

The looks I would inevitably get

The judgements, perhaps

I’m no stranger to solitude

Self made or forced upon me

Even surrounded by people

I may as well be on my own

I’m no stranger to sleepless nights

Crying on the bathroom floor while my partner is none the wiser

Staying in the shower for much longer than I need to

Simply to allow myself to be overtaken by the thoughts

The overwhelming feelings

The feelings I’m so used to pushing down

The feelings I once again find myself trying to ignore

It’s so exhausting waking up in the morning

Only to feel the way I do

I’m not even sure how to put it into words

How to express it, to change it

I’m no stranger to self inflicted pain

Though it’s been some time, the thoughts still remain

I’m no stranger to so much

And yet I somehow feel like one in my own skin

Unaware of who I am, why I’m here

What kind of life is filled with such despair

How is it living if all you want to do is give up