The Wobbly Wobbly Table
The Wibbly-Wobbly Table
When Horlicks went out for a bite to eat
Which he did when e’er he was able
The thing that really got his goat
Was a wibbly-wobbly table
He’d met up with Mable Slugshaw
For a secret… clandestine tryst
And he’d lined his stomach with gallons of milk
In a bid not to get himsen pissed
But he needed a pint of Dutch courage
Then another to follow the first
Then a couple o’ chasers to settle the nerves
Then one more pint to quench his dry thirst
He’d fancied Mable for many a month
Before asking her out for a bite
He couldn’t believe that he’d got his first date
So was determined to make sure it went right
He’d booked a secluded spot by the window
And arrived at the same time as Mable
But as they sat down… he noticed it
The wibbly-wobbly table
It was wibbly-wobbly…clickerty-clackerty
Rocking about with great ease
Iggledy-piggledy….rickerty-rackerty
And bounced up and down on their knees
It’s alright said Mable… I’ll sort it
And she ripped up a fresh beer mat
The slipped a bit under the shortest leg
And fixed it just like that
No… that’s no good said Horlicks
It wants fixing for good and proper
And I’m always prepared for occasions like this
He said look…. I’ve brought mi own chopper
Then he pulled this great big axe from his pocket
And set about chopping the wood
On the nearest leg to where he was sat
In an effort to make it sit good
He said don’t worry Mable I’ve got this
I’ve done it before it’s a sinch
And he brayed on the leg.. for all he was worth
And reduced it by over two inch
But when he sat down the table still wobbled
He let out a desperate curse
He said bloody hell Mable, I’ve chopped the wrong leg
And I’ve made the bloody thing worse
But don’t worry Mable… I’ve brought a chainsaw
And I think that I know what to do
If I chopped the wrong leg in the first place
I’ll buzzsaw the opposite two
Then in a thick cloud of sawdust and smoke
He set about on the woodwork
A futile fury filled frenzy
Like a beaver… gone berserk
He took two inch off each of the opposite legs
Determined to make it sit stable
Cos the thing that really got his goat
Was a wibbly-wobbly table
But he shouldn’t have taken two inch off each leg
He’d worked it out all wrong
He shouldn’t have taken two inch off each leg
He should have just taken the one
Cos the table still wibbled and wobbled
So he pulled his chainsaw back into action
Ans started to work on the other two legs
And reduced ‘em…. But just by a fraction
And this time he’d cracked it… and got it just right
The table sat well on the floor
And even as he tested it
It wibbled and wobbled no more
He was proud of himsen for fixing the table
And thought he was onto a winner
He said… come on now Mable…. sit thisen down
And then we can order our dinner
But as they went to sit down at the table
Their chairs would no longer fit under
When you think of how much he’d shortened it by
Is their any wonder
He said .. don’t worry Mable I’ll fix it
I’ll take three inch off the leg of each chair
But Mable was having none of it
She said… why don’t we just sit over there
kJ Walker
Sun 28th Jul 2024 11:58
Thank you Stephen, your encouragement is much appreciated.