I've been in my feelings
and in my head for years.
I've built walls and
called them boundaries only
to wake up one day and realize
that I've boxed myself in

and that's the tragedy in it all;

in keeping myself safe
I've locked everything out.
and what a sad way to live,
peaceful and
picking my own muse 
to pieces until the only thing
left is
a bloody pile of 
everything I used to love

when you put you heart first
your body follows
like a shadow shell.
it steals the glory
and packs away all the
pain in its chest.

little luggage 
too heavy to put down,
walking hand in hand in hand
to the sunset time and time again

so I sip my coffee
in the crisp air,
exhailing,
leaving not one single
what-if
in my body

and I will arrive at doorstep,
bruised
worn
pieced together 
knowing that I LIVED
because
I did not go through 
everything I went through
to not love this life.