I’m sure that those of you who’ve been paying attention to my magnum opuseses will recollect a piece I posted some little while ago from my time in the mining industry and, specifically, about some of the characters it threw up.  The malapropping Osbert Hartley and Alec Simmons, of whom it was said that “he’d fuck an old bayonet wound”.  This piece, though, is about another of these real-life cartoon characters – Big Jud (not his real name but close enough).

You might recollect Big Jud was a bear of a man who was a mine manager and whose leadership style would be described by management gurus as “heroic”.  Full bearded and rough as a badger’s arse, Big Jud was unquestionably a character.  And this is a story he told us one time about Dolly Piecrust (not her real name but close enough).

He was a young lad at the time and had gone on a date with her.  Dolly was a double amputee and had to be pushed around in a bathchair.  Nevertheless she was a game bird and well known in surrounding villages.

Well, as the story goes, Jud took her home one night after their date and, as he approached her front door, her dad came out to greet them.

“Thanks for bringing her home, Jud lad” he said. “The others usually leave her hanging on the railings”.

Rough as he might have been, Jud was nothing if not a gentleman.

Big Jud was not an angel

And had, it’s said, some failings

But wouldn’t leave young Dolly though

Hanging on the railings.