My father is much older now

and not in the best of health.

He’s still with us, but I’ve been grieving

his loss for decades in different ways.

 

I tossed an old photograph of him today.

Damage comes and goes as it pleases.

 

I don’t mean to denigrate him.

He’s not looking for forgiveness.

Maybe he has no idea he might benefit from it

in ways he is incapable of imagining.

 

It’s hard to admit, but I’m worried

after all these years I won’t be able

to feel grief for him like normal people.

 

Perhaps, in some unintended but merciful way,

this will be the only gift he’ll be able to give.