I need to replace my phone

I need to replace my car

I need to replace my teeth

Or display them in a jar

 

I need to replace the batteries

In all my fancy gadgets

The things I do to fill my life

Make me look pretty tragic

 

I need to replace the locks

On all my doors and windows

Oh and on the drinks cabinet too

Where the whisky, rum and gin go

 

I need to replace my hearing aid

So I can hear much better

I need to replace my glasses

Then I can read all of my letters

 

I need to replace my friends

And their so called good advice

One person even suggested

That I need to replace my wife

 

I need to replace all those things

That bring me trouble and strife

But hang on, now I come to think of it…

I need to replace my life!