3am Stroll.

 

It's 3:00 in the morning and I'm slowly hobbling down the deserted streets, trying to get some exercise the doctor says I really need.

I go at this time because I feel very vulnerable, I feel this is the safest time for me, also I have developed a strong intolerance for other people and become very awkward socially.

There is the smell of ice cream in the air and quite a strong chilly breeze, which feels like it's blowing the cobwebs away and for a moment allowing my mind to be free.

Out here I am not stressed by the neighbours, telephone, computer or postman, it's just me a few nights animals and the odd milkman.

I'm quite curious by nature so with no one around I can be as nosy as I like, and with the snail’s pace that I walk at I have time to take in everything in sight.

Who's got a new car or who had some work done on the House, whose neck curtains need washing or who has spread their rubbish about.

Which houses or flats have come up for rental sale, sometimes I find clear evidence of a crime as well.

Dodging the ripped open bin bags for the foxes have been dining at the all-night takeaway, other piles of rubbish accumulated my business is dumping it because to do it correctly they don't want to pay.

I see bedroom lights come on with the early workers day about to start, occasionally I see an old man asleep in the park.

Sometimes I see broken windows or house and cars open, report when i get home to those wonderful policemen.

So, during my 2-hour hobble it kind of re connects me to the normal world for a little while, reminds me of the person i used to be when I interacted freely and occasionally I smiled.

To the days when I contributed to the world turn up positive way, where I would pay my way and work every day.

The things and people I gained and lost on my long journey to hell, would I do anything different if I did would it have made a difference, I think that's impossible to tell.

Whether they be bad or good thoughts I have on my 3:00 AM walk around the streets, being outside makes me realise I am still alive and gives me a little inner peace.

Sadly, though those positive feelings do not have a chance to last very long, because two hours has flown by and it's time to go back home.

As soon as there is signs of human life on my peaceful streets, I hobble back as quick as I can to my safe retreat.

Where until the next 3:00 AM stroll from the world I will hide away  getting angry, nervous, anxious, stressed, and depressed on my own for the rest of the day.

People would probably say that this is the world I created, but my 3:00 AM stroll allows me for a couple of hours to escape it.

 

Nataiella 2020.

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