Get yourself a lump of marble

Twenty feet by six by six

Borrow a set of chisels

Or buy them from Screwfix

 

Empty out your garage or outdoor store

Of furniture and kids’ bikes from ceiling to floor

Grab yourself a mallet

Michelangelo liked wood

And get stuck in whilst listening to Johnnie B Goode

 

With every blow you will release

The body shape within

From a shapely pair of buttocks

to a Graeco-Roman chin

 

It might take a while but you’ll get there in the end

Although the chips and constant dust will drive your partner round the bend

You’ll need some help to shift it once you’ve had your fun

A pallet on a mini digger should get the job done

 

Be prepared to sacrifice everything for your sculpting art

But do take care whilst shaping every precious body part

Antiquity shows us that accidents take place

For every complete figure there’s ten without a face

 

Careless hands and misplaced jolts

once removed the arms of Venus

And one crack in the Carrera could leave David minus penis