You do not necessarily need to ‘see’ something

in order to be a witness. Implicate myself in this ordeal

through oral connection by means of

conversation with my inner voices

Self-reportage bestowing upon me

a certain involvement and moral dilemma

 

The pins started to fall one by one in domino effect

Now my continual fight to be heard and seen

must take an involuntary respite when standing in front of you

Conflicting with my queerness, my resistance to teleology

I must have a conversation with myself

Try to understand those pins already fallen

whilst now presenting a version of myself to you

in conflict with all those voices

coming from within

 

Transmission of myself to you now as a poet

whose internal thoughts, unheard, whose joy, unseen

Straightjacket my feelings

Deny showing you the alchemy of my flesh

 

Coming, the ejaculation of seeing you

Those moments of fleeting bliss and physical transcendence

Cumming, physical, out of body, non-sovereign

The most prized money shot in pornography

now seen only by my internal audience

Only I, as I try to pin this down, will bear witness to me

cumming from within.