Bruv, you know that thing, that thing we were talking about

when we went out for drinks and we almost passed out?

Bruv, you know that thing, that thing, the other week in the pub

we were chatting about when we were out

on the lash and I was up for a snout?

 

Looking back, I regret it, like what must you think?

This thing that I told once I’d had a drink?

You know what I’m saying, that thing little thing

that I told you in secret about me and him?

I’ve tried acting aloof, but I’m over the place

I think you know the truth, it’s writ over your face

Though I’m sick to the stomach, Oh Father! Forgive me my sins!

But this boy, he busy my head, how he dizzy my pins

Oh, I know you’re not stupid, I know you’re not dim

But bruv, what I told you did that thing go in?

He’s the spring in my step, he’s re-jiggy my flow

But you must forget it or keep this thing low

If you know this thing bruv, you got shit on me

As you’d know  this thing, it can sting like a bee

Me, drunk as a skunk and you pissed as a newt

Though I told you that thing, hope you no way compute

See I, I  had to share before thing the thing burst

and you there at that time mate you heard the thing first

I thought ‘let the dog see the rabbit’, ‘the deer to the gun’

but the moment I blab it, thought ‘Shit, what I done?’

The moment I said it, wish could take it back

Hope your memory went fuzzy not just by the smack

But fuzzy by Daniels, by Mr Daniels, by Jack

and your memory got wiped at the time you hit sack

 

Last night when the thing, when he came walking in,

I thought your memory come back cos you gave me this grin

I got those butters in tummy, I tried to act chill

Those butters flying away? No. I don’t think they will

You gave me that cheeky boy, monkey boy glance

Like you like seeing me suffer me pooing my pants?

Were you smiling instead because that’s just your way

And it’s all in my head, this thing I thought I say?

I told you in secret what come out my gob

I know I think with my head, but I act with my nob

I’m a big mouth. I’m SEE ME, but quite a closed book

You reopened that thing when you gave me that look

On a wing and a prayer, and a tight tenterhook 

that my thing overshare there’s nobody else shook

So bruv, have you kept quiet or have you let slip

Has the thing that I told you rolled off from your lip?

So do me a favour, tell me in a smile

that you know what my thing is, and that thing is vile?

 

OK, I whisper the thing in your ear

 

[I whisper the content of ‘the thing’ in bruv’s ear]

 

What?! It was not you I told? AWKS!

So now I know someone definitely knows the thing,

What you gonna do about it?