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A lull in the fighting

 

The guts of men writhe like landed eels,

they spill as if they never end.

 

Brains like cod roe and fat

wrapped in paper, torn apart.

 

A tooth, an eye and half a scalp.

An ear inside a mouth, its tongue split Scarlet blue.

 

And now, where metal forged its deadly path

beneath the forests open wound, sunlight feasts with flies.

 

The living men so nearly dead,

sitting on the dappled ground, smoke with bloody hands that shake.

 

Not one that sits and smokes and shakes can feel his beating heart,

yet inside each broken soul are all the parts that maketh man.

 

 

 

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Comments

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David RL Moore

Tue 18th Feb 2025 18:50

Thankyou Stephen,

It's sometimes interesting to add context to the creation of a piece of writing.

Much appreciated.

David

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Stephen Gospage

Tue 18th Feb 2025 08:33

Thank you for this fascinating and moving explanation, David. Much appreciated.

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David RL Moore

Sun 16th Feb 2025 06:19

Hi Flyntland,

I have always opposed the flag waving, the pomp and ceremony that surrounds the exploitation of soldiers sacrifice.

Horrors that are too often mobilised by shallow spin doctors and men in power, creating a false patriotism that ensures such slaughter can be a recruitment tool for future revelling in "The Glory of War"

Thanks for your comments.

David RL Moore

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David RL Moore

Sun 16th Feb 2025 06:10

Hi Stephen,

thanks for your comment and your reading.

I visited a scene very much like this after the event. Fortunately for me the immediate gore of the fallout had been dealt with by feasting animals and a cursory clean up.

The site was in a beautiful peaceful forest, all the remnants of the attack remained minus the human casualties. The contrast of the horror of the happening and beauty of the location has always remained with me.

We sat and discussed the detail of what remained, casually taking some rest and doing the things soldiers do when there is little to do.

It is often the aftermath of events in which their true horror is imagined and revealed, such revelation can create a terrible beauty.

David RL Moore

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David RL Moore

Sun 16th Feb 2025 05:59

Thanks to RBK, Hugh, Stephen, Aisha, Tom and Flyntland for the likes.

David RL Moore

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Flyntland

Sat 15th Feb 2025 13:38

Brutal - authentic - very uneasy reading,

No glory - no flag waving - or heroic speeches - no reward in heaven - just the pain and the utter waste of the wrong people.

I clicked on like but I think that 'like' is the wrong word

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Stephen Gospage

Fri 14th Feb 2025 17:10

It's fascinating how this evolves from grim detail into beauty and compassion, David. Good work.

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David RL Moore

Fri 14th Feb 2025 09:52

Hi Ray,

Thanks for your reading and astute observations.

After writing, I had thought the element of a restrictive limiting jar might detract from the impact of the use of the word spill. Honestly, I think I had been too lazy to bother adjusting it.

I very much appreciate your suggestion as ultimately it wasn't that taxing to change. To my mind the alteration gives it much more weight and credibility, so thanks.

You are 100% right on the last line. For the life of me I do not know why I didn't see that, it is so much more final now I have inverted the original lines with minimal changes.

I am extremely grateful for your eye on this one, so thanks again.

David RL Moore

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Ray Miller

Fri 14th Feb 2025 08:56

Having read some World War 1 novels recently this felt almost familiar. Perhaps you might omit the jar in the opening line, lend more weight to the endless spillage.

Inside each broken soul are all the parts that maketh man,

Good line, the type that should end a poem perhaps.

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