jean lucy thompson

Starman

by jean lucy thompson

Monday 6th September 2010 11:22 pm (first posted Wednesday 18th August 2010 11:12 am)

Winding ribbon of a road

Grassy moor the movement of the sea

Sheep like dots of candy floss grazing

Me in Heaven

Him smiling looking sideways praising

Another life away

In a Starship a shining bubble

My golden home

Gliding on and on Me back in Heaven

Him thinking a song eyes in the distance

Face set in stone

I despair - I know - I groan

My heart the tiny fluttering

Of a dying hope.

Dark dark rain-washed street

Reflecting starlight

Stained glass window - colour at my feet

Crosses unbalanced

Threatening to fall

Me down the spiral tunnel

Him - ever onwards

Never to return

◄ Woman of the Flowing Hair

Fairyscape ►

Comments

<Deleted User> (6895)

Thu 2nd Dec 2010 17:45

giving this poem the second thumbs up Jean!

<Deleted User> (6895)

Wed 18th Aug 2010 23:09

Good evening again Jean-enjoyed this poem-very spiritual indeed!-many thanks-Mr Wilde-xx

Cynthia Buell Thomas

Wed 18th Aug 2010 12:27

This has much imaginative charm, particular and elusive by turn. The listing technique of natural visuals sets a clear scenario for the thoughts to follow. It's hard to place the meaning of 'Heaven'(which is not a bad thing) as to whether it's an emotional state or 'a religious idea'. In short, whether or not, you're dead. Such concrete images as 'Stained colour at my feet', 'Crosses unbalanced' are two of many lovely phrases. Check spelling of 'rain-washed' and 'spiral' Probably just typos. One more point: I'd be inclined to leave out punctuation altogether; leave the reader to sort you out. I did not find that which is there all that helpful to understanding, and actually bumpy interruptives. ALL, in my opinion, of course.

If you wish to post a comment you must login.

Please consider supporting us

Donations from our supporters are essential to keep Write Out Loud going

Bringing poetry to people

Click here to donate now