In my dream

I went to heaven,

Forget Cloud Nine,

This was Cloud Eleven!

All good looking men were naked,

All the others had to wash-up

And do housework,

And wait on the women.

Husbands were only allowed

At our discretion.

Jo Brand was Queen.

The children looked angelic

As they were all fast asleep.

Richard Gere and Bruce Springsteen

Took it in turns

To win my affections.

There were lakes of beer

For the likes of Stefan,

But all ladies had access

To endless alcoholic beverages

Of all descriptions

In bottles and glasses,

Completely free.

Margaret Thatcher was shrunk

To the size of my finger

And stuck up my boss’s bottom!

There were no weapons

In heaven, and no money.

There were no speed limits.

My house was made out of

Mature Cheddar cheese.

There were endless supplies

Of milk chocolate,

Dark chocolate

And white chocolate

That were all slimming

And great for my figure.

Animals could speak!

Youth was eternal.

All rappers were struck dumb.

Rock and classical music were allowed,

But only at my choice.

Pornography was optional,

As were the orgies.

Was it a dream?

Was it reality?

It was certainly true that

HEAVEN ROCKED!!!

In constant sunshine…

But this is when I learnt

Something fundamental…

GOD IS A WOMAN!!!