Biting The Bullet
The planets above winking to me
'It's now or never' they're implying
and I feel her hand brush mine
as we're walking side by side
her house is just around the corner
I'm leaving town tomorrow
so it's now or never...
Deep breath, I take
it's a deep breath
I stop my walking suddenly
she stops and turns around to me
it's now or never
I tilt my head, crack a smile
make a joke, stall a while
and asking if I'm Okay
she steps one step toward me
it's now or never...
I take her warm hand in mine
draw a deep breath down
think of all that could come of this
she looks at our hands still holding
then back up to me
and for a moment
we share a moment...
But I break our gaze
and walk her home
hug her perfume divine and close
as I walk away, alone again
I concede, it's never
now; it's never...
(Sept 2010 - imagining Sept 2000, the night before college...)
Cynthia Buell Thomas
Mon 4th Oct 2010 10:37
This is good, Thom, engaging the reader in an experience common to us all, to do or not to do. Your work always has great charm in its profound simplicity. The repetition is well-handled for optimum effect of hesitation, uncertainty. I make two suggestions: in the final stanza, I would say 'hug her perfume close' to create a quick closed embrace, 'divine' being inherent in the action, and a very corny word anyway in this context. Also, to be accurate, I thought that planets don't 'wink'; a clear steady shine is their identification mark from stars. If you like 'planets' because it makes you feel right about the line, perhaps you can find a word other than 'wink'. It is a really super poem.