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dusk

entry picture

 

Dusk speckles in as bats flitter along skypath ways

moths scrap against the lamp.

A primitive time, twilight,

a putting on of cardigans as chill comes in.

 

Dotted lights spring out across the valley

birdtwitter muffs to silence like a dusty blanket.

Beyond the window black cows disappear in misty fields.

A walk from you to me, from me to you.

 

Dinner cooking smells and wine uncorked.

Doors shut, the garden given to the fox and badger.

We are drawn together as the night draws in,

tonally engaged.

 

 

◄ the man from rejerrah

sleepless ►

Comments

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Ann Foxglove

Sun 31st Oct 2010 15:15

Oh but I've been up since 5.15! Give me a break! And tell the cat!! ;-)

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Chris Dawson

Sun 31st Oct 2010 15:07

Ann - always fall back, spring forward... works for the clocks too.
xx

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sun 31st Oct 2010 14:02

I like this a lot, Ann. I'm going to be bold enough to think you have posted this as brand new, still sorta percolating. IMO, it has loveliness in it, but could be drawn into a tighter, more impactive 'net'. Perhaps reordering some ideas such as beginning the poem with: 'A primitive time, twilight.'I find that statement a great hook to lure the reader on. From a structural view I got a bit lost when certain words weren't clearly nouns or verbs; it didn't spoil the poem, but it didn't enrich it either, eg. 'smells'. The poem does have character.

<Deleted User> (8753)

Sat 30th Oct 2010 20:51

again, very good visuals, drawing picture for us to be drawn into.

Anne, thanks for your comments

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Ann Foxglove

Sat 30th Oct 2010 19:53

Don't forget to put the clocks back! (Or is it forward?) ;-)

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