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Rise and Fall

I watch as your chest
Rises and falls
With every laboured breath.

I stare and I wait
For your eyes to snap open
To tell me its all a dream.

You're not really ill.
Just a terrible nightmare,
But my wish isn't granted.

I just watch as your chest
Rises and falls
In the same difficult way.

I start to remember
A time when your were well.
I whisper aloud to you.

Remember your nephews birthday
And I was so small, when we danced
You could lift me high in the air?

I close my eyes
As your chest
Rises and falls.

I take your hand
And I sit silently
Listening to your breathing.

Slowing, becoming quieter.
I stifle my sobs
As your chest
Rises.

And falls.

And your breathing
A faint whisper.

And your chest now

Still.

◄ Thanks Mum

Snowflake ►

Comments

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Lynn Dye

Mon 8th Nov 2010 22:08

I think this is really good, Lucy x

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thu 4th Nov 2010 17:11

Totally engulfing. A really good poem expressed with utter simplicity, the rhythm of breathing captured in repetition and sound. It is very dramatic.

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Alain English

Thu 4th Nov 2010 13:17

Good stuff, Miss Lucy.

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Andy N

Thu 4th Nov 2010 08:35

Hi Lucy - I really like this.. You are defo getting back..

One lil suggestion which you may or may not wish to do is on Stanza 6 is the reference to Nephew... This gives people a lot of clues perhaps if you remove this reference - would it encourage people to build the picture more for themselves etc???

Either way, top stuff.. I really enjoyed this! x

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