When I wake on winter mornings

and the central heating's failed,

I ignore the alarm's warning

until my bladder has prevailed.

Then I take my fur lined slippers

and I don my fleecy jumper,

run to where the air is crisper,

touch the cold seat with a whimper.

When the thermostat is working,

and the outlet pipes have thawed,

another problem must be lurking

through the airing cupboard doors.

So I grab my handy flashlight,

kneeling slowly on bathroom floor,

where the pressure guage is in sight,

needle indicating flaw.

Undeterred I reach towards it,

grasping valve with firm cold fingers,

and I turn the plastic widgeet

until the central heating triggers.

Then I head to work with wonder,

this woman conquers all she sees,

never will accept surrender,

never will accept defeat.