Too blue in my head,
In another life
I could have loved you
But this life
Has us both hard beaten.
We have closed too many doors
so this woman
Will quietly steal your words
and run away
hold them tight, and close .
Knowing they will hold the answer
In another life.
francine thankyou for your comment , but you read too much into the poem. there is no loss in this poem only gain
It is hard to accept that we cannot have it all sometimes. I often think this too about the missed opportunities, etc... I have to believe that things happen for a reason and we do our best to follow our passions despite discouraging circumstances at times...
p.s. I love your comment!
<Deleted User> (7212)
Sat 26th Feb 2011 23:09
Love it, oh shoeless one. xx
yes, you are right, will sleep on it.
Ok - I think the first verse is much stronger than the second.
Personally - I would lose the 'So' (2nd line, 2nd verse) and re-arrange slightly so the rhythms match in both verses.
The last two lines are ambiguous (I tend to like ambiguity - allows for some interpretation), but they could possibly be a bit stronger.
Nevertheless, I did like it - but then I like the idea of another life - what could've been etc. Wrote something in a similar vein a long while back - 'Confetti'
:)
Cx
i keep changing it , and would like to receive constructive criticism, although i will very likely ignore it :)
Love it
Cx
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Elaine Booth
Sun 6th Mar 2011 22:14
I liked the punch of this poem: "But this life / Has us both hard beaten" are wonderful lines.