retirement
You found them.
White lipped in the bath
like strawberries and cream
floating, bloated
at the edges of reservoirs
swaying, plum faced,
a rope’s length away
broken winged
below the bridges
curled like foetuses
at the sharp end of a needle
the blank-eyed children
who’d never learned to laugh
the crimson smear
below the flyover
every one
an exit wound
Sleep soundly
Stay away from dark waters.
<Deleted User> (7212)
Mon 28th Feb 2011 14:52
strange how we can all agree & next thing all disagree - for me, the last two lines are it. I know that they are somehow incongruous to the rest, but still work for me.
Having thought about it, I think the intro and ending could be beefed up. Just my opinion - lots of people will probably disagree now LOL x
This is an enigmatic one for me Anthony.
If I had to guess, I'd say it was about suicide victims. There is some great imagery in here. I found the bit 'curled like foetuses at the sharp end of a needle' very powerful - unpleasantly so - which I guess is the effect you want. It also ties in to the unnatural way of life ending. Thinking about it abortion and suicide are quite linked - the planning and method that can go into it.
'Every one an exit wound' - is also a wonderfully sad way of describing such an end.
Great to see you posting.
Isobel x
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winston plowes
Sat 12th Mar 2011 23:08
Fantastic this one. Finely honed imagery. As for retirement? Not sure but your words are fuel for a creative mind. Strangely I can see my poems in this piece (two in particular) hence my affinity to it. Win x