I went to the doctors the other day

Told him my boobs were sore,

I'm sure there's nothing wrong, he said

Have a mammogram just to be sure.

 

So off I trot to the clinic

When I saw this big machine,

 

The nurse said strip to the waist

Don't  worry love it's just routine.

 

She plonked me boob on a cold slab

It really made me shiver

Reminded me of a butcher 

Weighing a piece of liver.

Then she said hold it  like that

A heavy plate descended 

And squashed me boob flat.

 

Pain and embarrassment

Was more than I could bear

I wanted to complain

But I didn't dare

 

I felt like a prisoner

Trapped in a device

Me boob like a piece of wood

Squeezed in a vice.

 

I felt bruised and battered

I wanted it over and done,

She said that's it for this side

Now we'll do the other one.

 

At last she released me 

And to my dismay,

I'd gone in there a 38c

And come out a 34a.

 

Now if ever I meet the man

Who invented this contraption

I'd squash his private parts in it

And put him out of action.

 

If you've never had a mammogram

Please do not  fear

For this big ugly machine

Saves thousands of lives each year..