Carol Falaki

Helpless

by Carol Falaki

Saturday 2nd August 2008 9:07 am

Helpless

Enough hard truths and promises

Hugs and kisses stained with secret regret

And interrupted eye contact

You wobble between parallel worlds

Clutching, afraid to let go

When letting go will send you crashing into fact,

And in your dreams

Weave thin stories

Around the lie of your fabricated life

Paying your way with excuses

Existing in a haze of hope

And despair

When reality tethers you to a noxious plant

Growing somewhere in a war torn land

Reality

That keeps you from being

That loses you from meaning

While well meaning promises

Stuff the mattress supporting your back-tracking spineless effort

With imagined dreams of breaking the habit

Of fixing it

Thinking about it

Is not doing it

◄ Worn

Rosa Parks ►

Comments

Andy N

Mon 25th Aug 2008 20:34

Yeah, copying Antonioni - I think this is a hard hitting poem but think it always wasn't going to be a comedy if you know what I mean, but I think you pulled it out without going too overboard which is a trap a lot off poets fall into with this kind of thing!

carol falaki

Mon 4th Aug 2008 20:19

Wobble, Thanks Darren but I think I'll stick with it. I see what you mean, connotations of Rowan-Atkinson, who knows how to make wobble work his mouth, but the line -You wobble between parallel worlds - I like the sound the words make together in this line. I found this reference in wiktionary, 'The Earth wobbles slowly on its axis' and - Intransitive verb - To vacillate in one's opinions. - I'm wobbling between the Liberals and the Greens.
and in wikepedia, 'Milankovitch wobble, the change in the axial tilt, axial precession and orbital eccentricity of the earth over long periods' this made me happy with the word in the poem. No tuts and groans though. I love your comments and am very grateful for the advice and interest. I've learnt from it Thank you, please continue.

<Deleted User> (5646)

Sun 3rd Aug 2008 23:11

Hiya Carol,
I really felt this poem quite strongly.
Having lived with an alcoholic for several years, any addiction causes these feelings of bitterness, hopelessness and helplessness when the addicted seems to want to give up being as they are but seemingly do not give it any real effort.
Thoughtfully written but hard hitting truth also.
Thankyou, it reminded me of some very hard times but also made me realize how much i've managed to forgive.
Love Janet.xx

Jeff Dawson

Sun 3rd Aug 2008 17:06

Hi Carol, this is powerful stuff, and like Mel says its not preaching, more showing frustration about someone not doing what they really need to do, maybe to save their life?

Broken promises, excuses etc yes, it all sounds familiar to me, but there comes a time when one can only go so low, and while it can be heart breaking for those on the outside, hopefully the one on the inside will pull through, they just can't give up hope and they will do it.

Brilliantly written some very thought provoking lines to think about, best wishes Jeff

darren thomas

Sun 3rd Aug 2008 16:46

...and doing it is not the same as doing it right!

Hi Carol. There is a frustration and anger coating these words, which itself seems to suggest a personal experience of somebody close. It's disturbing how, even today, we cannot utter the word 'drugs' without it conjuring up all kinds of negative images. In your poem you have managed to say many things about a users mentality without even mentioning drugs at all. This technique - i like.However, you have a wonderful skill of including solitary words that stand out when I read your work. Is this intentional!?
In this case it's the word 'wobble'. There are no written rules, but 'wobble' has too much of a comedy onamatopeic (?) feeling to it. It belongs in jelly poems or juvenile poems about large breasts or other bits that are likely to do nothing else but wobble, if they are abused and not something as serious as this subject is usually considered. Unless of course, I have mis-read what it is that you're trying to say.
There are many poets on this site. Many of the female poets are exceptional and regularly produce work that I really do enjoy reading and there are those that are worth (in my opinion) commenting upon and offering advice. Unless of course, you believe Oscar Wilde's ideology about advice!
So, I would have another look at 'wobble' and ask yourself - does this poem deserve a 'wobble'? Is it suited to a 'wobble'. Is there another word that could absorb the 'wobbly animation' connatation and show us in a manner in which the rest of the poem deserves?
Feel free to tut and groan at this point.
As they say - keep on writing!

<Deleted User> (5984)

Sat 2nd Aug 2008 19:36

i really like this poem. I enjoyed the rawness, passion and the honesty. I particularly enjoyed the ending...it is inspirational, without coming across as preachy. Lovely

Mel
x

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