(Who'd have believed 20 years ago we'd have been happy to part with £2.95 for a cup of coffee!)

There’s no more boring chore in life

Than to wait behind your wife

While she’s looking for a handbag or a dress;

Our Gert had thought I’d lost her

But I’d slipped away to Costa

For a coffee while she shopped at M & S.

Since they use a stronger bean

Their Flat White always seems

A tasty and invigorating brew;

To be sure to get a seat

To enjoy this leisured treat

Claim your table with your coat – then join the queue.

As an ugly lifelong fattie

I’ll select a skinny latte

But others may prefer a richer blend;

Their smooth and mellow mocha

Is, for sure, no beta-blocker

(Though Costa Coffee would, no doubt, contend).

Their standard cappachino

Goes down sweeter than a vino

And, of course, you’re more than fit to drive your car;

The range of choices mean

One option’s decaffein

Or different, yet again, a cup of char.

You can take your morning brunch in

Or watch the ladies lunching

(I reckon that I’m far too old to flirt!);

Here comes another crop in,

Breaking from their shopping

            -  Ooh!  Bloody Hell!  It’s time I found Our Gert.