I saw myself today
Through eyes I’d never used
I had to turn away
Startled by the truth
I hate the me I am
Ashamed that this is Me
I made the me I am
Created what you see
The more I paint my eyes
In shades of black and grey
The more I see the lines
Deepen everyday
They write the things I’ve done
They tell what I can not
They name mistakes I made
The ones that I’d forgot
I tried to run away
I couldn’t move myself
I saw myself today
Saw me on the shelf.
Finally gave it a titty :-)
Enjoyed reading this a fabulous flow of unique phrasing.As for a title----"Me !"
Me or not Me, that is the question, really like this Kath, got a good flow to it, well written, honest and definitely deserves a title, Jeff X
lot going on this piece for kath and a lot not said if that makes sense.
as with a piece i've just read by gemma lees, i love the use of the short, sharp lines here as it carries a heck of a punch with it.
excellent, your stuff has come on so much, so quickly..
andy n x
There are no piercingly clever words in this piece.
Indeed most of the words are short, straight, not descriptive and direct.
Startled and Ashamed are the only two that really give any real impetus to this work. But what a powerful whole. It almost shouts. The resignation booms.
I can't associate with the writer's personal issues as I have said before to Kath and I don't think others should do so either. Praise the work.
<Deleted User> (7212)
Fri 15th Jul 2011 22:54
Marvellous - with a capital M - deserves a title though IMHO. B
Sigh... Kath, Kath, Kath... You bleed my heart... Everytime I read your poems I just want to ensconce you in my arms and stroke your head with my peacegiving hand to make up for so many holes and hurts and other things. You bring out The Knight and Great Protector in me...
(I understand how that last line - the ultimate sting in the tail but also the tour de force of the poem - can be an offensive shocker for some women but I think you used that phrase deliberately as a metaphor for your self-imposed isolation and relationship sabotage. Correct me if I'm wrong).
With love & light,
Alan
Sh*t! I meant "not knowing".
Classy stuff, Kath.
Lovely simple rhythm. I seem to recall using "simple" to describe another of your poems. I mean it as a compliment - it seems to magnify the intensity.
If I had any reservation I'd agree with Laura about the last line. For me it also jarred a little by being too specific - I'd have preferred the mystique of knowing the cause of you discomfort.
I'm being picky, aren't I?
I sometimes think "we" are the very last person to be responsible for the making of "us". So much is down to chance and luck, good and bad. Great poem Keth!xx
Indeedy - as Francine says, the epiphany is the important thing, only then can you move on, and hopefully find solace.
I loved almost all of this, but that last line jarred a bit...has connotations of the unmarried spinster aunt sorta thing. Something I've always detested.
This is so deep... I think that many can relate to it in some sense, at some point in their life. You can be in denial about things, then one day you are hit with another perspective and you realise that you are not that person looking back at you deep down inside - the person you want to be - were meant to be. The epiphany can be the catalyst - it is up to you to change - to become your authentic self.
My favourite part:
'The more I paint my eyes
In shades of black and grey
The more I see the lines
Deepen everyday
They write the things I’ve done
They tell what I can not
They name mistakes I made
The ones that I’d forgot'
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<Deleted User> (9882)
Fri 26th Jul 2013 07:51
simplistically fabbo!x