Tell me again
The wishes of you're childhood.
From the slow ebb of a dream
A racket of pang to conquer.
Ugly beside your body
I broke the rule of nature.
Curling into you
Like a terrible virus
Of your beauty.
But looking back now
It was worth it
Keeping you warm
For the better person
You deserved.
i agree with laura, kealan here bud as the you're does stand out somewhat.. i would amend that asap if i was you..
otherwise, lot of good detail in this.. seems like part of a series of pieces however.. top stuff, man..
Terrible misuse of the apostrophe in you're - should be your.
Apart from that - I like this. A racket of pang to conquer, and Curling into you like a terrible virus - great lines
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Noetic-fret!
Tue 19th Jul 2011 19:47
Yep Kealan, some fantastic lines in this work. Brilliant.
rgds
Mike