So that`s it then, she`s going out with him.

 

Ah well, `May the best man win`,

`All`s fair in Love and war` and all that jazz,

`More will be give to him that already has`

I`m man enough to take it on the chin,

Ah, but the very thought of it almost damns

My soul, as I think of them as they linger

Over the first kiss, before they get into his car.

(I `ope, as he gets in the door slams

right on his little finger)

 

But no, perhaps I`m taking it too far.

And should be a sport about it all:

If, in his anxiety to please,

He takes her in for a Chinese

I hope the chow-meins nice. But when he calls

For the bill, and pulls out his wallet with a swanky flash

(I `ope he finds he`s forgot his cards and cash!).

And -during the ensuing argument in pidgin Chinese scouse-

He throws out his arm, just as a waiter passes,

And knocks a bowl of curry over lady onlooker`s blouse

( Who`s boy friend, I`ope, teaches judo classes).

 

And if (when he picks himself up) he needs to slip

Into the gents – (I `ope he has an `accident` with his zip!)

Nothing serious, mind, Just slight

Enough to leave him in excruciating agony all night.

 

Ah, but he`s got the last laugh. I can just picture her now

As she lifts her face, with the night-breeze cooling her brow,

And willingness parting her lips as her eager eyes close

Slowly, and she`s poised - soft as a moonlit rose -

Ripe for a deep, warm kiss

(I `ope just then his catarrh breaks and he gets a snotty nose)

 

And, on the way home, (I `ope they miss

The road, and he gets lost, and doesn`t get her home till four)

And her father (who wants her home by half past twelve) is waiting at the door.

And, to crown the evening, if he survives all that,

(I `ope on his way home he gets a flat…twice.)