Gucci and Viagra,

offers cascade like Niagara

Claims to make your donger longer

and your love-life even stronger

Satisfy your female,

by responding to this email,

Electronic communication

can electrify your procreation.

Such claims, to some, seem spurious,

though made me a little curious,

You might advise, don’t buy it,

I say, don’t knock till you try it,

 

Often the criteria

cite a bank in East Nigeria,

To you this might sound funny,

but it’s where I do have money.

A desperate young lass, you see,

once chose to get in touch with me,

So that from hardship I might save her,

she asked of me an unusual favour,

She’d just lost her dad and mum,

who’d left to her a tidy sum,

For reasons complex to recount,

they’d left it in an odd account,

Which, out of necessity,

she needed to transfer to me.

And to make the whole thing fair,

she offered me a hefty share.

 

My instincts said that I must save her,

though came a point when I did waver.

As she asked for my account ID,

I wondered, is this good for me?

When I explained, she understood,

suggested that what might be good,

so about the deal I’d feel OK,

was that with me she’d come and stay.

And so with whom I dealt, I’d know,

sent of herself a small photo.

Now in my ignorance, I’d supposed,

that all Nigerians now wear clothes.

Her image proved that I was wrong,

how sad for her, so poor, so young.

At that point I became more keen,

to help her escape that awful scene.

I vowed to act without delay,

account number despatched that day.

 

My story has good news and bad,

disappointment with the Viagra ad.

Typical of the modern world’s ills,

I never got my paid-for pills.

But, as in our mansion we relax,

the only worry income tax,

My Nigerian wife says ‘forget their greed’,

in truth you never had the need

And I suppose she must be right,

she says it several times a night.

 

I often muse upon my luck,

what would have happened if I took,

Advice of those who said, don’t buy it.

I say, don’t knock it, ‘till you try it.

 

Julian Jordon