A celebration of a friend's 21st birthday; someone who used to visit us a lot until he got a girlfriend.  (We were a 2nd family for him).  With far too many references to explain.

 

 

Things have never been the same

Since them days when Tommy came                           

To visit us, behaving with aplomb;

At the table, still the wife,

Sets a place with fork and knife.

When you coming home to us, Our Tom?

 

You kipped when it was raining

Then left for teacher training

We'd watch you later singing that “Sex Bomb”

What happened's best unsaid

It's a good job Sam's two beds

When you coming home to us, Our Tom?                               

 

You felt your love-life injured

By the fact that you were gingered

And bleached your locks just like a Bondi Pom;

With your fancy blond fandango

We preferred you looking Tangoed

When you coming home to us, Our Tom?

 

We know you've heard the gags

'Bout balls like saddlebags

Frustrated by a lack of "goings-on";

But was that really bad?

You had your Mom and Dad

When you coming home to us, Our Tom?

 

She knows you still adore her,

But Judy's dumped for Laura

But she'll never take the place of your old Mom

Does she make you eat your greens -

Your cabbage and your beans?

When you coming home to us, Our Tom?

 

We kept you entertained

When we took you on the train;

Remember where your bought your costume from?

Your ticket cost more quids

Compared to t'little kids

When you coming home to us, Our Tom?

 

You know the rumours rife

That you've got a job for life

At the G & D with Shirley, waiting on;

But we could use a waiter

And miss you bringing 'taters

When you coming home to us, Our Tom?

 

In my will I would bequeath

My set of lovely teeth

But you got some new so that incentives gone

But between us grumpy men

You can't prefer that Glen

When you coming home to us, Our Tom?

 

What treasures do we lack?

What price to bring you back?

We've got James Bond on every CD-ROM;

I think I've got the answer -

I'll chuck in our Samantha,

When you coming home to us, Our Tom?