Cramponboy  Caught first glimpse of mountain and it looks tiny! Dude, as the human spirit gets bigger, everything in the world seems smaller. Yeah.

Brandaware  Base camp monastery is soooo lame, no gift shop, tired decor and dated menu. Check my travel blog at Wasted World for full review.

Brandaware  Kate from marketing talking to monks about rebrand we’ve brainstormed. New logo, ice bar and tying in that reincarnation stuff with Doctor Who for geek tourism. Edgy.

VacantTim  ROFL! Steve from HR stuck his glans on the Rongbuk glacier for a bet and now he has to wank with a bloody stump.

SteveHR  Monks say bell ends do not reincarnate. Or grow back. It is not a lizard's tail, sir, they said. Not cool.

Kate@marketing  Shit’s kicked off, monks threatened to burn themselves alive if we don’t leave. Soooo not switched on round here.

Brandaware  @kate@marketing  Tell me about it. Your ideas for I Heart Buddha T shirts and the sponsors' logos on their robes were the shit.

SteveHR  Starting to sting now. When I try to pee it freezes round the wound. This is well random.

Kate@marketing  Camp one. Group hug photo @ twitpic. Louis Vuitton tents look smashing. Then Dave posed in the snow, sprawling like Mallory. PMSL.

Brandaware  i-pod party in Gillian’s tent. First dubstep-induced avalanche. Have it!

Gillian&thebeats Now that's a gig.

Brandaware  Chopped out a line on the ice. Couldn’t find it.

Brandaware  Can’t find Kate from marketing either. Think she’s looking for one of Irvine’s corpse toes to flog on e-bay. Bang tidy.

Cramponboy  What has Steve from HR got in his pack? He won’t let us near it and he’s started growling.

Brandaware  And now I can't find Tim either. Vacant bastard, he is.

VacantTim  Getting out of a ravine you went down after you dropped your i-phone? There’s not an app for that.

Brandaware  OMG!!! Thought I’d photographed a yeti but it’s Tom the hippy from IT on his snowboard. Fell 100ft and broke both legs. Roflcopter.

SteveHR  I could hear them laughing at me because of how I walk now. But they won't be laughing soon.

Cramponboy  Wow!  Dan my mate from uni! On his way down. Can’t remember the summit, he was too  hammered.

Gillian&thebeats  Dan says club under the Hillary step is the business. Chase and Status are doing a DJ set. And there’s an oxygen bar. Sick!

VacantTim  Getting dark now. Can't feel my feet. I knew these espadrilles were a mistake. Why aren't they looking for me?

VacantTim @Brandaware, @Gillian&thebeats, @Cramponboy: Guys?

Brandaware  At Death Zone. Posed for my Facebook profile with my arm round that Japanese climber who froze to death in 1982. Totes cool.

Cramponboy  Still no sign of Kate. Time for a sweepstake, LMFAO

Cramponboy  Sherpa went to move Steve’s pack and he bit him. Altitude’s got that dude. And the bloodloss, natch.

Brandaware  Up on the main ridge, view of China is awesome-mungous-mental. Gotta go there clothes shopping. Totalitarian chic is gonna be soooo in.

VacantTim  I think I can hear music. And I feel warm now. But my phone's running out. My only regret is the poor battery life. And falling down this ravine.

Cramponboy  Camp Two. Gary swapped Sarah’s oxygen for laughing gas, just for lulz. We were all at it.

Cramponboy  Rolling round the roof of the world, man, my mind’s getting thin.

Cramponboy  I punched Dan in the face. The summit’s looking down at me. Blue and sad.

Cramponboy  I’m melting. The glacier’s melting. Like the world’s in tears. Oh Jesus. I blame the light, it’s too bloody clear.

Cramponboy  The wind’s beating me hard as iron and I want to get naked.

Cramponboy  The Sherpa found me on the ridge. I wanted to be part of the rock, to not be me no more, for the world to spin me asleep.

Cramponboy  Brittle breath, brittle ice, brittle stone, clinking in a cold that curls itself inside our lungs.

Brandaware @Cramponboy: Woah man. Thought I was off on one. Put your clothes on.

Sherpa 362  Found one of the idiots breakdancing on the ridge. Punched him.

Brandaware  Steve’s pack is dripping blood. Where’s Kate, man? Bad shit.

Brandaware  Just found twelve missed calls and ten texts from Tim. Oops. LOL.

Cramponboy  It’s the cognac man, and the thin air, and the sky. Messed me up. So I just kept climbing.

Brandaware  At summit, yeah! Not much here, to be honest. Boring. Wish there were base camp shops. Kate would have loved that.

SteveHR  I am staying here with you, Kate. We are together now.

Brandaware  @Gillian&thebeats: This has not gone well.

Gillian&thebeats  @Brandaware. LOL. Tell you what though. This would be a cool place for a festival.