People thought I was some sort of freak

and said my life must be incomplete

as my face had no tache or beard

in fact, was bald and looked plain weird.

All I wanted was a tache collecting debris,

that was fit for a screaming queen,

that was a badge sleek and evil

worn by the sprawling, grinning devil.

People thought I was some sort of freak

as I could only shaved twice a week

and therefore would never to display

a tache or beard today or any day.

All I wanted was a beard pained thickly in oils,

that was like a huge acoustic chamber,

that belonged only to Lords and Kings,

or that winked and covered guitar strings.

People thought I was some sort of freak

because I shaved just twice a week.

My face had no tache or beard

I told people I don't mind but I lied.

I wanted a tache or beard like Frank

Zappa, Freddy Mercury, Prince, Vincent

Price, Rolf Harris, Brian Blessed, Colonel

Sanders or my heroes ZZ Top so people

wouldn't think me a hairless 18 year old freak.