For those who don't know Bang Said The Gun is a hugely successful performance poetry event which has run in London for over 10 years. Just over a month ago an intrepid bunch of Mancunian poets attempted to transfer its uniquely rowdy weekly format to the North West. As one of the first poets to be invited to headline, what follows are the travails of an artist attempting to keep down travel costs!  

I got the invite via email, yes out went the call,
Come to Bang in Manchester, you'll have a ball!
We'll cover expenses - if the bill's not too tall,
Any profits on the night will be shared between all.
 
Prices were cheap on my first look online,
But due to many uncertainties I took me time,
Virgin's twelve pounds each way had sounded great,
Until I went to book and I found I was too late.
 
But when you travel oop north and money is tight,
You might not find the best price on a railway website.
Sure they'll show you the quickest and priciest fare,
But caveat emptor - buyer beware!

There may in fact be a much cheaper way,
If your not in a rush and enjoy the trains sway.
It's like tax avoidance - a bit of a fiddle,
You just buy a ticket to some place in the middle
 
Then another to ensure you journey's complete.
There's no need to lie, you'll still get a receipt,
But call it counterintuitive, daft or strange,
It might be the case that you don't have to change.

I warn, there isn't always a perfect connection,
And you could well be subject to dual ticket inspection.
However I was still very surprised to find,
The cheapest single can cost double the split fares combined.
 

So what if your journey's extended by an hour, or two?
Yes, they'll charge you less to see more of the view!
That's why 'though it's hard to believe, just trust me, it's true,
It's cheaper to Bang on a slow train through Crewe!