What of you my darling
My dearest one
What of you within the warm shimmer of day
Fey careless heart
God gifted you dark night
For all your errant swirling dreams to sail
Far away across deep forever running seas
Storm and tempest ever
Tossing you upon some far distant shore
To sleep forever and dream amore
What of you my darling
My dearest one
Within that darkness wherein you lay
Fey careless heart
God gifted you dark night
Painting by Gus Johnsson
Hi Darren
What tremendous 'rise ' I got from reading your very supportive comments...I am delighted that you liked it.
By the way my apologies for the visit to my place ....t'was time and tide that blurred the arrangement ...lets try again... phone me please
Once again many thanks.
Gus
Good Morning Cynthia
As ever your critique is bang 'on the money'...but try as I might I feel the tinge of purple is never the less integral.
I've performed this poem both ways to the middle and just feel that the over adjectivised version suits my ear....rather than the page...wherein you are correct.
Anyway, as always Cynthia so good to hear from you.
Hope to see you soon.
love
Gus xx
,,
Thank you both so much for your comments!!!! ,
I'm truly very sorry for the delay in replying due to an overload of trivia, cooking, golf, and growing older in a far less than graceful fashion.
God knows what will happen when I reach forty.
Once again to two people that I respect and hold in great regard Thank you.
Hope to see you soon.
Gusx
I like this, Gus. From a 'poetry view', I would carve out some adjectives that don't add much and detract a lot from the movement of words and rhythm, burdening the ideas that could surge freely forward into our minds. The repetition is skillful and effective.
darren thomas
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 10:46
It's wonderful to see and read that your writing again Gus. I love this. It resonates.
If you wish to post a comment you must login.
This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.
Francine
Fri 31st May 2013 18:15
I agree with Darren... :-D