I sit on the rustic park bench          

that gives me splinters                    

to watch the world go by.                

Families pass, as do couples         

many hand in hand                           

oblivious to my sigh.                       

The only solitary figure                     

am I on this spring day                   

I know that's how it must seem.      

Female of a certain age                  

waiting a lifetime.                            

Do I really dare to dream?            

 

As long as I can remember          

I have been alone                          

unless I count my grandma.

Always strict and somewhat distant

led me to believe

my parents died crashing their car.

Photos all I ever had

of her girl, my mum

I learnt the truth the day Gran died

called me to her darkened room

aged barely fifteen

I discovered she had lied.

My mother died in childbirth

I'm the cause of her death

grieving father abandoned me

wouldn't look at me at all

never paid a bean

so what should I care of he?

Presumably, he's still alive

Gran said try in Wales.

Inside a humpback or a blue?

a sperm whale or a minke

better still a killer 

not sure any less would do!

 

If not for jokes, I swear I'd cry

sitting here alone

feeling out of all patience.

Just one person I call a friend

but to be honest

she's really just an acquaintance.

As for men they pass me by

I blink extra hard

too many tears I've shed for years

looking for someone to care,

love is so elusive

someone please calm my fears.

 

 

Throughout my teens and twenties

dates were very rare

only Tom and Billy and Jake

never got past the first evening

what did I do wrong?

Can no one like me for my sake?

Then there were no dates at all

during my thirties

and I've only got one day left!

You heard of the last chance saloon

This is my last chance bench

no wonder I'm feeling bereft.

 

Are my teeth not white enough?

Is my voice too deep?

My hair just never sits right

my feet are so enormous

my eyebrows wonky

maybe my clothes are too tight.

I waited so long to be asked

now I ask guys first

even asked Dr. Caruthers

he just smiled and patted my hand.

One thing I know for sure

relationships are for others.