The Old School Tie

It’s very smart In blue silk,
with snazzy turquoise stripes.
When daddy gave it to me
my first words were “blimey!, cripes!”
I couldn’t wait to get it
around my scrawny throat,
it went so well with all my gear
especially the tail coat.

It made my chin more obvious,
I hadn’t known I had one.
It made the fags subservient
to get done what should be done.
It made me feel important,
It made me feel a toff,
It made me come a thousand times
while I was tossing off.

I wore it with a certain pride
that oiks wouldn’t understand.
It taught me how to be a twat,
devious and underhand.
Then when I got much older
it opened many doors
for those, like me, who wore it -
not the raggle-taggle poor.

Now I’m sat in Downing Street,
a smug look on my face.
I may not be a Nazi
but I’m one of the master race.
I wear my tie around my eyes,
It blinds me from the truth,
of the poor, the old, the dispossessed,
the jobless, hopeless youth.

Many wish me harm
for failing all but class -
well let me tell you poor folk
you can kiss my Tory ass!
For you will never get me,
no matter how you try,
it’s impossible to strangle
bastards with the old school tie.