I come home in the morning boat
With mud in my wellies and a waterproof coat
Oh mother dear, your house is covered in mud
And Staines just wanna have floods

And in the streets wherever I’ve been
Detergent won’t help if you wanna get clean
This muddy water isn’t mixing with suds
And Staines just wanna have floods.

Conservatives wading, and pointing Lib Dems
Don’t help if your High Street is under the Thames
I wanna go to town for sausage and spuds
But Staines just wanna have floods
Yeah Staines just wanna have floods.

[Should I record this on YouTube? lmk]