When ah wor a lad, wi’d go-a laik i’t’ beck

An’ tho’ mi mam sed ah’d catch it i’t’ neck

If ah ivver went in ower dee-ap an’ got wet,

Ah’d allus end up i’t’ watter, tha mun bet.

 

Us kid wor a naingel an’ did as ’e wor towd;

’E warn’t as daft so as ter fetch up dowsed and cawd,

Bu’ ’e allus egged mi on as ah fettled up a dam

’Cos ’e reckoned ’e knew wot a wassock ah am.

 

An’ appen ah wor, bu’ ah nivver ivver thowt

Ah’d goo-a ower far; it wor nobbut owt or nowt

Wor that tidgy beck, nobbut hawf a foo-it

Nert hawf wee-a up on mi gurt wellie boo-it.

 

Bu’ ah’d allus happen on a waffly stoo-an;

It wor allus its fowt an’ nivver mi oan

An’ us kid’d gurn, an’ call mi a drip

When ah tummelled in, arse ovver tip.

 

An’ ah’d promised mi mam, ’cos it cost a fair whack

Fer mi kegs an’ mi gansey an’ mi coit on mi back

’At ah’d try ter stee-a dry, and keyp aht o’t’ beck

Bu’ did that ivver stop mi? Naw, did it ’eck.

 

So shi’d tan me on’t backside an’ send mi ter bed

’Cos ah’d went an’ forgetten t’ words ’at shi’d sed

An’ ah promised missen ’at ah’d allus think on

An’ try keyp aht o’t’ blummin’ beck-oil fra’ nah on.

 

 

So, ah kept aht o’t’ beck-oil an’ went up ter t’farm

Whee-ar ah clammered up on ter t’ top o’ t’ barn

’At wor next ter t’shippon, while, trust mi luck,

Ah tummelled off t’roo-if i’ a gurt hee-ap o’ muck.

 

Ah wor a’ clarted up, reight ter t’ top o’ mi hee-ad

Ah felt sich a foo-il, ah wisht ah wor dee-ad

Tho’ ah’d dun wot mi mam sed an’ kept aht o’t’ beck

Ah’d sartainly catch it, appen shi’d brek mi neck.

 

Ah traipsed mi wee-a whoam; ah wor noa roo-ad at all.

Tho’ t’ hee-ap o’ manure  ’ad brokken mi fall,

Ah wor thankful ’at ah ’adn’t brokken mi neck

Bu’ wor it onny better ner  tummlin’ i’t’ beck?

 

Mi mam, shi went crackers an’ caud mi a clown

As shi fetched aht us hoo-asepipe ter wesh missen down

Ah wor wetter ner ivver an’ shi wor fair vexed;

It wor war ner t’occasions ah’d tummelled i’t’ beck.

 

Shi tellt mi ah wor banned fra’ goin’ ter laik

I’t’ beck-oil or t’farm-yed fer ’er sanity’s sake,

So ah took up wi’ foo-itball, wot warn’t mich good

As wer pitches wor allus a midden o’ mud.

 

Bu’ ah’m nert a’ that daft, an’ ter keep missen clee-an,

Sin us barns wor sich a tarrible tee-am,

As goo-alie, ah nivver wad dive for owt

An’ nobody’d notice, or so-a ah thowt.