Snakeskin Sid!

I once knew a man
called Snakeskin Sid
I knew that he didn’t
but he said that he did
Well who the hell do you know
who played for Real Madrid?

Oh you know the type
in his Ford Capri car
A Gin and Tonic
at the end of the bar
Hitting on the girls
but never getting far
Trying to make out
he’s a football star!

He had trials for United
but failed the test
He started to dribble
but always made a mess
And after a couple of halves
he needed a rest
He was never going to be
the next George Best!

Out on the town
smelling of zest
He had always tried
to look his best
But with a quarter pound medallion
and Gary Glitter chest
As a fashion guru
He really wasn’t blessed!

In his snakeskin suit
and shit flicker shoes
Sipping a Campari
never on the booze
Those corny chat up lines
he’d always try to use
But some ice and a slice
and it’s off for a snooze!

Soaked in High Karate
with a lounge lizard stare
Strutting his stuff
in his polyester flares
Asked the girls to dance
but they never really cared
If he went on a date
none of them are there
Yes, just like his steak
any romance was rare!

The last time I saw him
he’d hung up his boots
Same script as the girls
never scored and couldn’t shoot
He’d just been to Oxfam
for a new velvet suit
Got a new perm
and dyed his roots
I said well look on the bright side
you’ve still got your looks!

And so ends the tale
of Snakeskin Sid
I knew that he didn’t
but he said that he did
I said come on mate
Who are you trying to kid?
I’ve never knew anyone
who played for Real Madrid!

Jeff Dawson April 2014