Note: No profile exists for this entry - most likely it was deleted.
I sat in lines
At biting point
Biting my lip
Then gave it up
Put my lip balm
And the hand brake on.
Staring out I
Swam away
From all-combusting
Fits of flames
I, treading thoughts
'Til the tide changed.
Then snorting fumes
I blew away
Flew queue jumps
Flipped bird parades
'Til stung by horns
I thudded down
And sauntered on
To meet the day.
<Deleted User> (9882)
Mon 14th Jul 2014 19:38
it was my pleasure Natalie and your better decision.x
<Deleted User> (9882)
Mon 14th Jul 2014 15:51
excellent poem Natalie.One suggestion-
'I,treading THE LIQUIDITY OF THOUGHTS...?
Please keep writing.x
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Travis Brow
Wed 16th Jul 2014 06:55
I like this poem Natalie. It might need a bit of tinkering but show me a new poem that doesn't? One thing i would add though is that, for all your readers' good intentions, i think they do you a disservice by offering their own alternate lines. Criticism is one thing but suggesting or providing re-writes is inappropriate. Once you incorporate them the poem, as good bad or indifferent as it may be, ceases to be your work. And why else do you write if not to express YOURself?