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'Angel'

Tuesday 14th April 2009 11:27 am (first posted Thursday 9th April 2009 12:45 pm)

I know you had to leave me, I knew you could not stay.

Time was not on our side, the walls were closing in.

Life was so beautiful every second with you.

But when the sun stopped shinning for us.

Feelings within my heart told me we were through.

Moments now lost in the sands of time.

I broke your heart, now you have broken mine.

Once more the walls of my life close in.

We should have run away, it would have been easy.

Loved by you, you only wanted to please me.

Now that you are gone, now that you are free.

Will you reconsider your love for me.

Bring it back, my heart is your home.

I cannot survive without you.

In my dark existents where I now live alone.

Come back to me I will make things right.

I cannot live without you, these endless sleepless nights.

If only I could see you to touch you one more time.

But you do not answer, so our love forever I will cherish and save.

I love you sweet angel, a rose I lay once more upon your grave.

(Photography by Gary Peters)

◄ 'The Lady By The Sea'

‘Sympathy Synchronicity' ►

Comments

Steve Regan

Fri 10th Apr 2009 14:56

Or... "gotta get over you" as Roddy Frame once sang.

Beautiful, heartfelt poem, Gary, and I think it's safe to say we've most of us (if perhaps not all of us) been there.

<Deleted User>

Fri 10th Apr 2009 11:20

Hi

Darren is always spot on and has a very critical eye much needed on here as we cannot often detach ourselves from our own work - so thank you Darren. It is also good to see that you receive it well.

I do agree with the comments made and also feel that detail rather than general statements would bring this to life and actually engage the reader more . eg 'walls closing in 'sun stopped shining' are excellent - need more of that than 'i cannot live without you' which is very vague and often said / used. Needs infusing with more .

On the whole has great potential - do re-post if you decide to re-write it!

Noetic-fret!

Fri 10th Apr 2009 01:36

Darren has said much i agree with. it is a very sincere piece of work. I feel there may be an overuse of punctuation, i found when i took out some of the punctuation it flowed more easily to the tongue. I did write quite a lot of verse in this style, i have developed a little since then and I'm sure your work will. A nice poem all the same.
Mike

<Deleted User>

Thu 9th Apr 2009 21:31

Hello to you Mr. Wood.
I am sorry that you see the poem, 'Sympathy Synchronicity' as 'just advice'
It wasn't written in that context, it's what is happening to me 'now', and as a poet, I put my thoughts and feelings into words.
I didn't choose to get cancer so I could write about it, in fact, this is the first thing that I have written, about it, since being diagnosed, over two years ago.
I write, depending on my mood, yesterday, I was in a 'silly mood, so I wrote, 'Please Leave Me Alone'
Today I felt like shit, so I wrote, 'Sympathy Synchronicity'
I well, you please everyone, and i don't try to.
90% of what I write, and have written, over the years, is based on 'experience' which I find is the best way to express poetry.
Experience in life, counts for a lot, if you choose to write poetry, in my opinion.
I find, 'Mind The Gap', is good advice, when travelling on the underground, but it is something, I have yet to experience, so I won't be writing about it.
Thank you for your words, please keep the comments coming, if you feel yhen need too, good or bad.
Take care & be happy.

<Deleted User>

Thu 9th Apr 2009 21:29

Thank you Darren, I completly understand what you mean, I have tried, at times, to write, 'third party' but find I am inable to, due to my poetry being based on personal experiace's. It's a bugger, I know, but i have to do what works for me. I find it very hard to de-personalize, when I'm writing about thongs that have happened to me, in life. But please, keep the comments coming, good or bad.
Take care & be happy

darren thomas

Thu 9th Apr 2009 17:24

Hi Gary (hope you don't mind unsolicited comments - even though I'd promised myself I would stop making them).

An intimate piece soaked in sincerity. You can feel the hurt inside your words, but from a literary perspective, the overuse of some tried and tested cliché can appear to dilute some of that sincerity that you no doubt feel.

Have you tried writing in the 'third person'?
Sometimes when we do this, it can be more appealing to any potential reader. Although you may feel that it can de-personalize (?) your work, it shows a great empathy for others. Which is nearly always a winner in the popularity stakes.

I can relate to some of what you write about - and that, I enjoy.

D.

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