Every schoolboy knows where to find the school record.  It is, of course, in the bogs and is the proud mark of the boy legend who has pissed the highest.

What is less well known is that many schools have a second, lower mark.  Whereas the higher is marked “P” the lower is marked “J” for jizz.  (I believe that in public schools the letters are “U” for urination and “E” for ejaculation).

My own school was a boys-only grammar but I am told that when it went co-ed the “J” line went up by about another foot.  The veracity of the record underwent some scrutiny by the school’s equivalent of the International Olympic Committee who decided to reclassify the “J” line into two - “JS” and “JD”, for the singles and doubles records.

It is rather sad to relate that these days both my “P” and “J” lines both barely break the horizontal.