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“Acceptance of the Un-acceptant.”

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 “Acceptance of the Un-acceptant.”

There is this place that I know. A place I have known for very long, a place where there is no path, a place that has no direction at all, just a place of pure echo of silence

It is a place that has become my friend, a place where I had to become my own friend. This place has a beautiful side and an ugly side. This is a magical place where I can explore. But this place has its own terms and conditions

Terms: "Eternal Loneliness & "Emptiness"

Conditions defined:

This place has made me shape it well. It has forced me to meet my own demons. It has shown me good things and it has provoked me with evil. This place became my world

It has punished me for not accepting it. It chose different faces for me to wear. Faces it wanted me to wear. Faces that has made me his experimental toy, faces that I was forced to adapt too.

See, this place exists in the heart of my subconscious and it has made me its property. This place has loved, cared and made me, but it has also abandoned and hated me. It has become my comfort hide-away.

This place is nothing but a dark hole. It is a hole punched through my chest. It is not a hole I created, but a hole that created me. It is the connection to my sanity and insanity.

It’s a part of me where words don't come close. Not close to explaining it at all. It is a chamber of a talented force. And I am its puppet attached to broken strings, yet it plays me to its own theme of art.

This is a world that lives inside of me, filled with colors of hatred, rage, anger, sadness, sorrow, pain and regret. Yet a world also filled with love, comfort, peace, joy, pleasure and hope. It is what I am and it is what I am not. But my struggle is how to figure out the difference.

The outside world I find reality more like a fantasy. And it confuses me even more when I wish to be happy, but it’s hard when there are two sides of me that want opposite things.

Acceptance of perfectly imperfect madness is what I have to do.

But the ‘perfectly imperfect madness’ accepting me –

Is a war that will never draw the battled lines!

***

"Lose Ends of Unconditional Self-hatred" ►

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