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For An Evening

the window is open
to the sound
of the water
sighing

the light
from the waning
moon
speaks softly
to the corner table

you left
a glass by
the kitchen sink
pale pink tracing
the line
where your lips
had been

kitchen sink lips glass

◄ Coin 38

For An Afternoon ►

Comments

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Wed 12th Nov 2014 21:14

It is very atmospheric. May I suggest that you could drop 'the' in Lines 3 and 5. I tested it out several times and, IMO, the poem then takes another step upward to excellence. Sometimes little words are just like potholes in a smooth path.

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