I have bodily functions
therefore I am
I have no idea who I am
or why we were designed in this particular way
some say we evolved
but no one explained
or ever told me why
where my thoughts lay
before mother passed me by
in the delivery suite
-said I never wished to pop out
or fit neat, 12 hours in labours sleet
as placenta followed me
in an umbilical greet
a lapdog atop paper sheets
of the hospital
sugar paper
nitrous vapour
I recall it all
first memories
being born
midwife joy
vacant father on the ship ahoy
distant and sinking in expectancy
the breadwinner is wayward
and yonder
what is this body
who am I
and why?
you divide me with colour blue
add a name
add time
and when adolescent can multiply
if I use the keg of my thighs
to explode in you
lame
a diagram
I drew
to explain the body
startled game
left me with more questions
when sketched the mind

I can make more bodies
more people

I can voluntary choose
to turn private part to steeple
if attraction beckons in high heel shoes

so what’s it all about
dare I say Jesus
dare I say religion
its lame and convenience
to quell the division of fear
and acceptance
acceptance follows fear
year upon year caring less
about infinity

I shall identify with the aggressor
in order to cope
subservient to the hacking questions
as though they themselves
have taken on a life force
a hanging rope
demonstrous, never a nice feeling
not knowing whats beyond

whats beyond beyond, dad?
and whats beyond that, whats before before?
I am less. I am more
I am insignificant yet an infinite score clocking
I am 2 eyes in the socket
I am the gold plated treasure, another lovers locket
yet why?


my floating essence of unreality
a cinema screen
are you really there at all?
 the futility
of emptying the sea
bucket and spade
2 yards from the shore
watch it all escape
I’m made
to filter to fill the ocean
I am insignificant.

god can help me
in times like these.

who am I, world?
a page curls
3 minutes older
a bullet point in all of this?
where did we all reside before births waters
kissed us into existence

say a prayer for us

hope for the sake of it
when the world keeps turning

time, is insignificant
look at the lake of it

pacific, uncharted, huge
the rise and fall of us all
the body, the decay the spinning room
dizzy with
the joy, the loving ,the giving ways,
of us all
something wonder does exist

here is an appeal for spirituality
and appeal for something to hold on to
something to believe in
and to give me purpose
when failing slightly
lagging behind the coattails
of the confident ones
they never ask who ‘they’ are
-they just function
-I envy them
I query their silent thoughts
on topics such as this
raise the very debate with them
start the itching malaise, unease
once again never any answers
unanswered pleas of
who I am.