Did you ever really love me?

If you're told you're worthless so many times you start to believe it

I believed it

I am ashamed that I let it go on for so long

The snide remarks

The insults

The oppressive atmosphere

 

I couldn't go out on my own

Couldn't be trusted you said

I had never done anything to justify this

 

It's the small things that add up

We never held hands

Kissed

Made love

Even sat on different sofas at home

 

In public you were the most loving person

You put on a show

Behind closed doors it was a different tale

I lived in fear

Fear of doing the wrong thing

Saying the wrong thing

Of you

 

I actually believed I deserved to be treated like this

Like a badly treated dog

There were many arguments along the way

The odd slap here

The occasional punch there

But I remained

The bruises remained, well hidden by my clothes

In places nobody could see

I stayed unhappy at home thinking this was my life

I was existing, not living

 

Why did I not say anything?

I was ashamed

Why couldn't I make our partnership work?

It was all my fault I thought

 

But it wasn't

I'm rising from the ashes of our sham marriage

Not going to keep quiet anymore

You begged me not to say anything to anyone

It'd just makes it worse

But that's over 

 

I've done keeping my silence

Everyone saying how good a man you were

Even mourning your death

I've done with it all

 

I asked if you ever really loved me

That doesn't matter, I realise I didn't love you

You can't beat love into someone

It doesn't work like that

I'm done with it, you're the past and that's exactly where you're staying

 

I have a future

I am stronger than I ever thought I could be

I now know what true love is