(A Conservative-Labour coalition may be needed after May's election to prevent the SNP holding the balance of power, a former Tory chairman has suggested today).

 

Imagine me and you

I do

I’m thinking that the time is right

To stop our fight

Instead that you and me just might

Kiss and unite

So happy together.

 

So you can call me Dave

I’ll call you Ed

Then we can use one piddle pot

And share one bed

And cuddle neath a counterpane

Of blue and red

So happy together.

 

I can’t see another alternative way

We might prevent

To keep the Scottish Nationalist Party away

From government.

 

Dave and Ed, and Ed and Dave

A marriage where we might just save

The whole UK

From entering an early grave

Just after May

Let’s boogie together.

 

I can’t see another alternative way etc

 

So come and join me, Ed;

Don’t make me beg;

You know that I’m prepared to give

An arm and leg

If only I could be with you

And free from Clegg

So happy together.

 

So Ed now don’t be shy

Let’s take this stance

And tie your frilly knickers to

My underpants

This might be Britain’s only chance

If voting grants

Of staying together.

 

I can’t see another alternative way etc