This must be my longest night
the moon laying its heavy light right down
this room swims in so much gossiping
conversations; always imagined and impossible

This must be my longest night
the blurred echoes of all we did ring ‘round
there’s no sleep to be had, just counting stars
and scenes replaying; rose or shit tinted now

I found the jagged edge of love
it cut right across my heaving chest
as its hand slipped back into the mist

We skirted the jagged edge of almost-love
close enough to feel that gravity
just near enough to have it hurt me;
whipped and cowed by its proximity

It filled my veins, loosened my grip on reality
blinkered eyes and laser-focused thought on one thing only
then abruptly ran out on me
watched me sober up from its pious distance

I found the jagged edge of love
it burned poker-hot across my palms
as it slipped away from reach

This must be my longest night
from the distant black above comes understanding
it’s slow and sweaty, but it fills me resolutely
finally calmed; released by this epiphany

I wanted you 
and you wanted me for a moment there too
but was it really me at all
or just the softly stroking hand
of my words upon your ego

And did I ever want you
because of who you were
or how you made me feel about myself
in love with what I saw
when I was the peacock in front of you

No, this wasn’t love for us
this was love for the feeling
as the sparks flew between us
as the sparks flew and drugged us

This has been my longest night
tired eyes prodded by a heavy moon
with its gravities and its chattering
and the echo of your laughter, before you disappeared
when all I could see 
was the mirror that you were to my vanity…

(March 2015)