(A re-post from my Old Gits back catalogue, codged around the Undertones "Teenage Kicks".  I suffer from RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome) as does the impenetrable Mrs C when I give her a good kicking in the night.  Ha Ha).

 

The old age dream is so hard to beat

I dream of Werthers for a treat

An end to swelling in my feet

And fitting teeth so I can chew my meat.

 

I want a bladder bag so that I might

Get to sleep right through the night.

 

They're on my head when I’ve lost my specs

In every queue I am always ‘Next’

The video gets me lost and perplexed

I try so hard but it won’t send a text

 

I get RLS so I sleep upright

I get Old Age Kicks right through the night

 

I’ve got angina and hypertension

I’ve got a bus pass and I’ve got old age pension

My memory now has started decaying

Now, what was that that I was saying?

 

I just get older, just get balder too

I’ve lost my teeth so now I can’t chew.

 

I wear no shirt with a tie and a vest

I wear my trousers belted up on my chest

All my clothes seem to be in beige

This season’s colour is all the rage.

 

I get RLS so I sleep upright

I get Old Age Kicks right through the night

 

I’m deaf as a post without my hearing aid

My skin has sagged and my hair now has greyed

I’ve lines round my eyes and round my mouth

And other bits are all hanging South.
 

I’ve frozen shoulder and my left leg’s lame

I use a scooter and a zimmer frame.

 

I get RLS so I sleep upright

I get Old Age Kicks right through the night

I get RLS so I sleep upright

I get Old Age Kicks right through the night