Good morning! How can I help you?
I’ll say that 200 times today.
I’ll mean it 200 times today.
I’ll hear it ringing in my bloody ears today!
I can appreciate how your feel Mrs Smith
I understand your point Mr Jones
I assure you that the company is doing everything it can to rectify your “situation”.

I realise we’ve said it before, meant it before
But I’m here to assure
I’m here to assure you we care about you and value your custom.
For 45 minutes whilst you’ve been hanging on, we’ve appreciated your custom
For 45 minutes whilst I passed you from pillar to post
I raise a toast!
To your bravery! I would’ve given up long ago
and I should know
I work here.

I’m afraid that I cannot pass you through to my manager
She’s in a meeting
She’s not eating, she definitely not eating a cream-cake
For goodness sake Reverend Greene
I mean...
We’re professionals.

Is there anything else I can help you with today?
Well, I’m sorry that you feel this way.
Me and my battery-hens, hen-pecked and packed in
I wanna pack it in!
If I sit here any longer, we’ll start to lay eggs
we’re the over -qualified dregs of society
Here to serve you.
Thank you for your call, have a nice day.