The Snowflake Poem
A form of infinite beauty
A creation unlike any other,
Every crystal a masterpiece
Of design never to be repeated,
Crafted in the greatest architecture
But so transiently and fleetingly seen.
One flake of individual beauty
Made to melt and be lost forever,
Every frosted fern just gone
With no trace left behind,
One of nature’s greatest productions
Destined to live and die almost unseen.
I really like this, its imagery and its truth. And 'beauty' so difficult to capture.
May I make a suggestion? And then I go ahead and do so, unasked.
I would use either 'transiently' or 'fleetingly'. I know they are not exactly synonymous, but perhaps close enough to choose just one to keep the power of the line itself firmly focussed. Maybe 'fleetingly', because it picks up the sound value of 'repeated' which then supports and progresses an invisible cohesion of thought working towards a climax of 'GONE!' Plus, the shorter line itself is indicative of 'disappearing'.
These are respectful 'thoughts, and can be totally ignored. I make them because I like the poem so much and I miss active discussion with fellow poets.
Doing what poetry should do...bringing to attention the
beauty of things that often go unobserved and unremarked
in our own fleeting lives.
The touch of description of line nine makes an infinitely sad poem even sadder.
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Harry O'Neill
Sun 29th Nov 2015 13:37
I think Cynthia`suggestion of `fleetingly`is spot on because - in addition to it`s rhythmic assonance - the soundless `f` which introduces it is also suggestive of the swift and feathery shortness of the snowflakes life.
(and also initially fits with the frosted fern later)
Very good `earing Cynthia!