Donations are essential to keep Write Out Loud going    

MOVING ON - for my sister

How it seems like a dim distant dream now

When we were kids in those Wiltshire lanes,

You with your horses and boyfriends,

Me with my cycling and trains.

 

There's Box - and there's Bill Peters' stable...

And sometimes I'm sure to believe

I hear Mum call "Tea's on the table",

And the brother is due home on leave.

 

Now the years have passed in their own ways

And we've travelled the highways of life;

You've added so much to those innocent days -

Mother...grandmother...Dave's wife.

 

When you sit there and dream in the lamplight,

When your world's full of those aches and pains,

Lose your thoughts in your days in those damp-bright

Long ago Wiltshire lanes.

...............................................................................

◄ QUESTION

THOUGHTS AT CHRISTMAS - a Seasonal re-post ►

Comments

Profile image

M.C. Newberry

Tue 22nd Dec 2015 18:08

Never one to be bound by formulaic writing, I let the
rhythm dictate the flow. Your comment about the "grandmother" line is noted but I was determined to get
the tribute inherent in that word into the verse somehow
and I've amended the line slightly.

Profile image

John Coopey

Tue 22nd Dec 2015 12:14

A personal trip through your memories, MC. Well suited to the dactylic 3/4 (or is it 6/8 - I can never tell) rhythm.
My only observation would that I found the "grandmother" line a bit of a hiccup.

If you wish to post a comment you must login.

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

Find out more Hide this message