‘My Telephone Week’, a comic poem by Claire Baldry recounting cold callers offering PPI claims, new boilers, accident compensation, computer scams and more, is the new Write Out Loud Poem of the Week. In her answers to Write Out Loud’s questions, Claire reveals that she once wrote three pages of history homework in rhyming couplets She says on her profile page that after 30 years working in education, she retired in 2013 and “turned myself into a performance poet”, with a regular schedule of poetry reading engagements. She believes that a lot of her poetry “does tend to appeal to the older age group”.   

 

How long has poetry been an important part of your life and can you remember why it became so?

I've always liked poetry. As a child I remember entering poetry competitions, and when I was 13 I wrote three pages of history homework in rhyming couplets. Looking back that was a very odd thing to do. I only started writing poetry seriously, though, three years ago. My husband was rushed into hospital shortly after I retired, and I suddenly had a lot of time on my hands while caring for him when he was at home recuperating. 

 

What kind of poetry do you write?  What motivates you?

My poetry usually rhymes. I like playing around with the rhythm and structure. I am often inspired by quirky events in everyday life, mostly light hearted, occasionally more serious.  

 

If you could only have one poet’s work to read, which one would you choose?

WB Yeats.

 

Do you perform your work and if so, where are your favourite places to perform?

I get lots of invites to perform at retirement clubs, WIs, and similar organisations. I give the fees to charity. Very occasionally I am asked to read at a “proper” poetry event. It always takes me by surprise, because I think my poems are rather lightweight. I always enjoy performing my poetry to any group which is kind enough to invite me. I like to make my audience laugh.  

 

You're cast away on a desert island. What's your luxury?

Toss-up between my laptop and my hair straighteners, but, on reflection, it has to be the straighteners.

 

 

MY TELEPHONE WEEK

by Claire Baldry

 

 

He called me on a Monday,

Said his name was guy,

Told me of the refund

I could get for PPI

 

The phone rang twice on Tuesday,

The lady’s name was Dee,

She spoke of eco matters,

How my boiler would be free

 

On Wednesday I was worried

By an accident I’d had,

The insurance chap who phoned me,

Was convinced the wounds were bad

 

On Thursday my computer

Had a virus, warned the man,

If I’d just pay an online fee,

They’d do a special scan

 

Friday’s call brought surveys

Detailed finance questionnaires,

Do they really need my passwords

And the details of my shares?

 

Saturday at 6 am,

The voice said not to fret,

A special deal was waiting

That would clear me of my debt

 

Sunday…..it’s so quiet,

I am sitting with a book,

Sunday is my day of rest,

The phone is off the hook